Over the past few months I’ve been inspired by
other people and different movements have allowed me to really try and
embrace and love who I am and be proud of that.
Over a year ago I had a “boyfriend” for about 3 weeks. It was basically mutual lust. However, he said one thing that has stuck with me and still makes me really self conscious.
“You have a nice body, it just needs toning.”
He didn’t understand my spinal cord injury. He couldn’t get it in his brain that I will never walk again and that I’m ok with that. It just proves he didn’t like me for who I am, he wanted to change me…one of the reasons why I got rid of him.
But that statement…it’s stuck with me.
I’m paralysed form the chest down, meaning my stomach muscles don’t work and can’t be toned…they’re paralysed. All’s I can do is try to keep thin and hope for the best that people or any boyfriends in the future will accept me and love me for who I am. But I still try so I hard to see, even when I spasm, those stomach muscles existing and toning and I just hate looking at myself in the mirror because of this stomach that shouldn’t belong to me; a healthy, leggy, skinny person. It should belong to someone else.
When I’ve conquered this feeling of self rejection to something as stupid as my stomach, I think my opinion of myself will be even more positive than it already is. I just wish I could accept it and love myself.
This may sound rude, but what annoys me even more is when people who have fully functioning stomach muscles moan about having a large stomach. THEY CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! I CAN’T! When people say, “ye, but you can’t help it.” It doesn’t make it better. It makes it worse and makes me feel as though I’m inhuman, imperfect, not right…and I find my view of my own body image heading back down the negative road and I begin hating myself.
Sorry if this sounds whiny. But I needed to express this in some way.
Over a year ago I had a “boyfriend” for about 3 weeks. It was basically mutual lust. However, he said one thing that has stuck with me and still makes me really self conscious.
“You have a nice body, it just needs toning.”
He didn’t understand my spinal cord injury. He couldn’t get it in his brain that I will never walk again and that I’m ok with that. It just proves he didn’t like me for who I am, he wanted to change me…one of the reasons why I got rid of him.
But that statement…it’s stuck with me.
I’m paralysed form the chest down, meaning my stomach muscles don’t work and can’t be toned…they’re paralysed. All’s I can do is try to keep thin and hope for the best that people or any boyfriends in the future will accept me and love me for who I am. But I still try so I hard to see, even when I spasm, those stomach muscles existing and toning and I just hate looking at myself in the mirror because of this stomach that shouldn’t belong to me; a healthy, leggy, skinny person. It should belong to someone else.
When I’ve conquered this feeling of self rejection to something as stupid as my stomach, I think my opinion of myself will be even more positive than it already is. I just wish I could accept it and love myself.
This may sound rude, but what annoys me even more is when people who have fully functioning stomach muscles moan about having a large stomach. THEY CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! I CAN’T! When people say, “ye, but you can’t help it.” It doesn’t make it better. It makes it worse and makes me feel as though I’m inhuman, imperfect, not right…and I find my view of my own body image heading back down the negative road and I begin hating myself.
Sorry if this sounds whiny. But I needed to express this in some way.
